After three years abstaining from the white stuff, I’m back at it.

A new problem has surfaced.

Going without sugar was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done in my life. So empowering. The most incredible journey of willpower, discipline and research into the food industry. What would make me want to exchange all this for a cookie?

I wish I knew.

Perhaps to see how far I’d come in my discipline….. “Of course I am self-controlled enough now to enjoy one cookie!” The occasional sugar should be a non-issue in my life at this point….

So here’s the problem: Because I am super aware of my body’s response to sugar now, I am noticing affects it has on me. My body had three glorious years of freedom and repair from the white stuff, and now my body feels….different when I eat sugar. I’m not talking about the sugar crash. It’s like sugar is directly causing pain in various parts of my body. I have been experiencing crazy symptoms within an hour (more or less) of eating sugar…..every time.  I can only attribute this to sugar because most of the time I feel healthy and wonderful. I have a few health issues but they are stabilized and don’t bother me much.

For example, my gout. I’ve had it since I was a kid. Over the years I have learned to control the symptoms with diet. When/If it flares up, I drink black cherry juice and drink an herbal anti-inflammatory. It always works. Not sure why I have gout, but it’s easy to control the acute inflammation.
Unless I eat sugar. Within a few hours of ingesting sugar my big left toe feels stiff and aches, sometimes the ache goes up my leg. Sometimes my neck, my hands or my other leg hurts.

I’ve noticed other symptoms that seem to be directly related to sugar…..and/or refined grains. I can’t seem to eat sugar or white flour (they are usually eaten in combination) without a yeast infection, and I can count on it disappearing in a day or two when I stop eating sugar/refined crap–100% of the time.

I meant to settle down here in this new city with a new diet–a whole foods diet. That hasn’t happened yet, and I feel like I am paying the consequences every time I make a bad food choice. Not lesser food choice, BAD food choice.

The body does not need refined sugar. Some have argued with me that the brain runs on glucose so sugar is helping the brain. Whole foods like fruits and vegetables and whole grains also provide the body with glucose. Sugar is a lame excuse for food. I don’t know about you, but I have not evolved to digest sugar without consequence.

For the last few years I’ve really been excited about natural sweeteners, but after all I’ve researched and experienced I’ve concluded that the amount in which we consume them make the consumption of them not exactly natural.

My latest bottom line (funny how this is constantly evolving) is that the healthiest natural sweeteners are whole foods. These can be eaten in abundance–we are supposed to be eating several servings of fruits and vegetables daily. (It’s pretty difficult to eat more than one apple at a time, so no real fear of over-doing it.) I include dried fruit as a healthy alternative, as well. For example, the sweet, wrinkly little prune adds iron, vitamin A, calcium, fiber and potassium to your diet. In fact, I love prunes so much I felt inspired just now…

Prune Haiku
Small, moist, sweet and soft
You satisfy my craving
Sweet lingers on lips

One of only three things I’ve ever regretted in my life.

Things are NOT good.

Eagerly anticipating writing a nice long explanation of what happened. And what I plan to do about it.

Stay tuned. 

Sick of being so regimented and craving balance, I decided to try dark chocolate, and I don’t mean 55% cacao. I’m talking about the 85-90% cacao.

It was wonderful! A square of it here and there, shared with my husband, was the delirium I wanted. To share in the exotic bliss of chocolate, lightly sweetened with sugar.

But one square at each sitting became, “Oh, two squares is okay,” which became, “Well since we’re sharing it we might as well eat the whole thing,” which then became me eating entire bars of chocolate, ALONE.

From there, since I was already selling my soul to the white devil, why did it matter if it was just chocolate? Why not a little taste of an Oreo? After all, after quitting sugar for 3 years surely just one will satisfy.

It did satisfy.

The first time.

The next time I reasoned that if I enjoyed one, why not enjoy two? After all, I’m still totally in control.

I learned that Temptation will tell you anything. ANYTHING. I don’t believe Temptation is some spiritual googly monster whispering in our ear. I believe it’s basically the “thing” inside of our human nature that always chooses what we most want, with no respect for consequences.

Consequences, ahhhhhh.

Here’s where things get interesting.

I had forgotten by this time some of the reasons I initially quit sugar. So upon finishing the most delicious chocolate layer cake I’ve ever eaten in my life, when I began to panic for no reason, it suddenly occurred to me that in past sugar binges sometimes I would get shaky and panicky.

I loved and hated the reminder. The feeling passed, but then the sugar low began. I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Which reminds me of last weekend when I decided I’d share a bag of Reese’s Pieces with Jeff at a movie. I took a handful and the next thing I knew I was lifting my sleepy head off of Jeff’s shoulder.

“All it took was a handful of candy!” he whispered to me during The Illusionist.

“What happened?” I asked, confused. I had just been awake watching previews.

“You conked out when you ate these!” he held up the bag of candy and jumped up. I stared at him. The movie was going. He left and came back empty-handed.

“We don’t need those. Remember how sleepy you used to get when you ate sugar?” he asked and then we dropped the subject to enjoy the movie.

Panicky, sleepy……

And there’s more.

Stay tuned again for another update.

Thanks for reading!

It was so easy in the big city to walk into the grocery store and load up on convenience foods. Life can be so fast-paced in the city that the convenient food seemed to make the most sense. Though I ate healthfully most of the time, near the end of my stay when I tried sugar I just about gave up healthy eating completely.

For example: frozen pizza, lots of mac N cheese, top ramen and a lot of chocolate (love that opiate-induced feeling in the brain).

When Jeff said that he would like to eat healthfully I about lost my senses. Since I’ve known him he has sustained himself on mostly these items: hostess cupcakes, chocolate syrup, chocolate ovaltine, pasta and pizza.

On our cross country road trip to Wyoming we made a list. We brainstormed what counted as whole foods and what didn’t. What it amounted to is processed food is out of the question including: most breads, crackers, pasta, packaged junk, flavored drinks and sugary stuff.

It’s been about two weeks and we are doing it! As a “reward” we treat ourselves to a donut once a month. It’s about the worst, most delicious item we could think of that will motivate us to continue eating whole foods.

Recently, we decided to allow chocolate. Not just any chocolate but a high percentage cacao chocolate bar.

That’s all I have to report for now…..

Enjoy!

I had a giant zucchini that I used half of for my Mish Mash Veggie Stew (see below). The remainder I shredded for bread which I’ve been craving–I haven’t eaten zucchini bread in three years. The shame. It’s one of my favorites, too.

Like always, I fudged with the recipe (my version below) but it turned out perfect. It would be easy to substitute applesauce for the eggs to make this vegan. I just love how (happy, non-caged) eggs add fluffiness.

Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread

1 and a half C white whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 C veg oil
1/2 C pineapple juice
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1 and a half C shredded zucchini

Preheat oven to 350 F. Spray regular-sized loaf pan with cooking spray.

In large bowl combine dry ingredients. In medium bowl combine wet. Pour liquid ingredients into dry and stir until just blended. Fold in zucchini. Pour into pan. (I like to drizzle a little leftover juice on top at this point. It makes the crust crispier.) Bake 45-55 minutes. Cool 10 minutes and then remove from pan. Enjoy!

Mish Mash Vegetable Stew

pot of water
1-2 tblsp dried onions
tblsp of dried vegetable broth or similar
whatever vegetables you have!
broccoli
potatoes
yams
purple onion
kale
cherry tomatoes
garlic
whatever beans or lentils you have!
orange lentils
white beans
mung beans

I boiled the broth, dried onion, lentils and beans (after soaking) for about 30-45 minutes before adding the veggies. Then I let simmer for about 15-20 minutes.

I found this great pretzel at my local grocery. They are so incredibly hard that I can only eat them by soaking them in soups. They are delicious and hearty but I fear they are capable of chipping a tooth if I don’t soak first.

Researchers discover soda beverages have higher than expected amounts of fructose. The typical range of fructose in high fructose corn syrups is approximately 45%-55%. However, researchers recently found as much as 65% fructose in sodas, including Coke and Pepsi.

Gross.

What’s the problem and who cares? Too much fructose is linked to serious health issues, including metabolic disorders. Marion Nestle of Food Politics says:

• Fructose: increasing evidence suggests that the metabolism of fructose–which differs from that of glucose–is associated with abnormalities. This means that it is best to reduce intake of fructose from table sugar as well as HFCS. -Click here for full post
  

If you’re interested in reading more about the latest on high fructose corn syrup and sodas, go to the following links:

Los Angeles Times article

Food Politics Blog

The Elephant Journal has tons of very interesting articles and people who write them. I’m just as fascinated by the authors as I am by the subject matter. Read on topics covering yoga, organics, consumerism, wellness, children, arts, education, etc.

Look for more of my upcoming articles, and as always, check back here for posts, too.

I apologize for my absence here at My Year Without…….life!

Almost three whole years have gone by and I have managed to stay sane without indulging in sugar. I’ve thrived, actually. Every New Year’s Eve I’ve asked myself if I can let go and indulge a little. So far I have not wanted to taste sugar again.

At some point on my birthday, however, I decided that I might try a little dessert if the occasion presented itself.

It did.

Jeff and I enjoyed a very late night dinner at Old Ebbitt Grill and I asked to see the dessert menu.

(I’ve frequently thought about taking a bite of something deliciously, sinfully sweet, just a bite, but then fear becoming a full-fledged addict all over again. No taste in this world would make it worth it. And yet, does this total denial make me an obsessed freak?)

After a small dinner on the night of my birthday, the server brought out a chocolate cappuccino brownie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, covered with layers of fresh whipped cream. I knew this was going to be outrageously delicious. I planned to attack the dessert from the top down, one layer of whipped cream at a time before diving into the chewy brownie. I salivated in anticipation.

As I began to undress the brownie’s sweet layers of whipped cream, a monster impulse came out of me and I began to greedily take large spoonfulls of brownie, covered in ice cream and whipped cream. I savored the flavors of chocolate and espresso and vanilla just long enough to swallow quickly before taking another bite.

This lasted all of four bites.

I reached my tolerance for sweet so quickly that I set my spoon down in surprise. I had not anticipated this. I planned to take advantage of the situation and eat the entire dessert, until the very last drop of melted ice cream and crumb of brownie were resting in my belly. I didn’t care if I ate too much, just this once.

I sat back and looked at Jeff. He was holding his spoon, ready and waiting to pick up where I left off. I told him I had had enough. I couldn’t even imagine taking one more bite. He asked me if I could “taste the sugar” and honestly I was not able to break down the ingredients like that. My mouth just began to need water and reject the mere idea of more sweet. It was simple and complicated.

Bittersweet.

I sat back and enjoyed watching my husband devour the almost fully intact dessert. He lives for chocolate and has this raging sweet tooth all the time. He asked me if we should tell our server what a significant dessert this was for me. The server came by and cleared our table and Jeff and I looked at each other, knowing that this would be our little secret.

As we walked outside, past the White House and down the street to our car, Jeff asked if I would eat sugar again anytime soon. Instantly pictures of donuts and cookie dough and ice cream flooded my imagination. I could take my pick. I could be done with this silly sugar-free kick and enjoy life! But I shook my head and tried to explain the strange sensation that I felt.

“As good as that brownie ice cream sundae tasted, a better feeling emerged from my brain as I stopped eating it and watched you enjoy it,” I said, unsure how to explain this feeling. “These past few years I have watched so many people enjoy desserts, as I sip lemon water or tea. In the beginning I felt somewhat resentful and angry at myself for having such a dumb resolution to not eat sugar, but it morphs into something else. This is going to sound twisted, but I’ll try to explain: As I watch other people eat dessert, I see that people are weak around sugar–which I recognize easily, because I am weak around sugar, too. They are victims to their sweet tooth and eat and eat until their stomach is about to explode, and after dinner will confess that they ate too much but couldn’t stop. I feel a certain strength in passing on dessert because I know I will feel good about myself.”

Too many times in the past (okay, almost every time) when presented with dessert, I overate. I would beat myself up for losing control, while suffering from a full, bloated belly. I would swear to have more willpower next time, but “next time” I never had that willpower I promised myself. It was a vicious cycle that never changed until that first day of the year, 2008, when I kicked sugar’s butt.

After quitting sugar for two years and nine months and then finally eating a sugary dessert, my conclusion is that nothing tastes as good as feeling good about myself feels.

Back to my boring sugar-free ways…

Just kidding! Sugar free is not boring at all. Look around my blog for recipes and stories. Being sugar-free is actually quite an adventure, and I look forward to many more years of freedom from the white stuff.